I have lost 2 lbs. The only change I’ve made recently is taking to drinking 2 big water bottles of water a day. With these 2 lbs, I of course feel conflicting emotions. And by of course, I mean that the evidence has piled up… my brain is a bit wonky lol, and rather than feeling the elation that someone trying to shed weight would feel, my brain has to find a way to bring up anxiety and try to crush me.
My biggest fear along this journey (and yes I know I’ve had many) is that I will look like Fat Bastard at the end of that Austin Powers movie… you know the one I’m talking about, after he’s lost all the weight and his neck looks like a vagina. I know I shouldn’t be so afraid of my physical appearance, and that I should be focusing on the mental health and the physical heath… but being a 20 something girl in today’s society I am afraid if I shed this weight I will look horrible. That the body I’m trying to get back to, the one that feels like “me” is no longer something I can achieve and instead the loss of weight will result in saggy skin and disgusted stares by passersby. It sounds terribly vain to write that, but in an effort to maintain the honesty of this blog I’m putting it out there. I am vain when it comes to that. I don’t want to lose the weight and end up looking worse than I do now. At least right now I’m somewhat pretty…
So yes this is my latest hurdle… how to propel myself forward through this fear and convince myself that my health is more important than the possibility that I’ll look like a skin sack by the end of this. The worst case I can always have surgery, though that thought terrifies me.
As always though I must end on a positive note, if only to help maintain my mental happiness lol, and so in closing of this short post I will say that I have officially bought a bathing suit, and am looking forward to a weekend of being able to swim! I’m hoping for this weekend <3