37 weeks and 1 day away

In 37 weeks and 1 day, I will become Mrs. Martin (Jury is still out on if I will be legally changing my name or simply assuming it… OR if we’ll do something zany like create our own brand new last name!!! *Place suggestions in the comment box below*)

In all this time, our wedding has seemed like something very far off into the future… mainly because it WAS! lol. 2.5 years is a long way to wait for a wedding, at least to me, especially after waiting 7 years for the proposal… but now that we are nearing the 6 month mark everything is starting to feel less abstract and more real.

For instance, my wedding dress Vs. my size. Currently I hate the way I look in my dress, and yes it could be because the chest area has 3 inches of extra padding, and the waist wasn’t fitting right.. but as it stands today, I hate the way I look in my dress.. and this really upsets me. I fell in love with that dress on my body back when I was in something 10 sizes too small.. granted my back looked like a Frankenstein of corset string (ribbon.. rope… ties?) and clamps, but the front view was amazing. It was exactly as I see myself when I close my eyes and remember “me”. It was the hourglass waist, the chest for days, and the smiling face.

Now all I see is a box in a white dress. Where the hell did my waist go man?!?!? I mean (get ready for TMI)… naked me still has an hour glass figure.. granted not from the side view, but from front on, hourglass.. I’m freaking proud of that, the curve of my waist and swell of my hips.. I’m a freaking woman!… however, currently my dress makes all of those disappear and I kind of look like a box with small boobs. HOW THE HELL DID IT GIVE ME SMALL BOOBS? For those who don’t know me in person (which is probably no one, I am pretty sure everyone who reads this knows me in person lol.. but Hi if we have never met in real life, say Hi in the comments, I’d love to meet ya!)

ANYWAY for those who know me in person, I have some pretty big boobies. ( . ) ( . ) <-- heh Bewbz. So I am really antsy to have the dress altered and hopefully it will show off the actual body I have, rather than this weird short stubby box that doesn't belong in a dress. *sigh* With that said.. some of my angst may just be that I'm unhappy at my current size. I know I've gained since I initially tried on the dress and that is frustrating TO THE MAX!!! Already I've lost 2 lbs.. and I'm hoping to lose more. Every day (that I am not in a lot of pain) I push myself to do more activities. I am also slowly changing my eating habits and find that some foods I used to love (I'm looking at you pizza) I am actually sick of eating (I know, I know.. never thought I'd see the day either), and I'm craving healthier food... Not that I have any clue on how to cook it properly, but I'm trying. I won't lie and say I'm doing an amazing job right now.. but I'm working at it, and I hope within the next few weeks to really hit my stride. OK enough about my fatness... Wedding updates FTW!!! So far I have taken care of A LOT of pre-wedding prep (i.e writing ceremony and my vows, and other surprise things that needed to be written up, breaking down exactly WHAT needs to be DIY'd and what I will need to do them.. also preparing cost analysis to see what may be cheaper to just order from Etsy rather than spend months and oodles of cash buying the supplies needed to get it done. Mike and I have brainstormed a lot of ideas for fun ideas at the wedding, and let me tell you, if you show up with a Can Do attitude and allow yourself to relax and take part in the fun, it is going to be an AWESOME day.. We have so many little surprises that I will not spoil on here. (If you are in the bridal party I will totally spill the beans to you LOL). And not only that, but I'm starting to have to actually keep appointment days/times in my calendar and am even tempted to get a day planner for this year, as the things I need to do, and places I need to be pile up. For extroverts it'd probably be a breeze.... but I'm having to schedule EVERYTHING right now in order to stay sane. I.e I try to only have appointments on ONE day / weekend so that I can still have 1 day free with Mike that contains no plans and no social interactions. A) I need the down time to stay sane and B) I need at to at least see Mike for 1 day on the weekend and not have to share, otherwise my missing him goes from a little to a lot, and I already have a hard enough time sleeping sometimes without him being there, so Nope, I don't want to give up my Mike time. What this means for me currently is planning appointments for 1 day, planning social interactions either on the same appointment day, or one night during the week (if it's a girl thing and does not involve Mike), or compromising and being active 2 days during the weekend, knowing full well it will mean a full week of feeling "off" and needing both days next weekend to recover. It also means, I schedule what chores I will do every night, and I'm talking " Put clothes in washer before you go upstairs, than clean kitchen, than eat supper" or whatever else needs to be done. I have to plan the order I do things, because knowing me the second I sit down after working all day, I get tired and lazy and my need to rest and recoup takes over and nothing else will get done. During those times I knit and watch Netflix. I fully realize this may make me sound insane.. and I also realize that as we get closer to the wedding it will get harder to hold on to the "No plans on both days during the weekend" rule, but that is a bridge I will have to cross when I get there. Knowing me, I'll probably just start to schedule the crap out of things and be like Hi Friendo, let's do this epic hang out sesh.. I have 4 hours carved out just for you.. after that I have to run to X place to meet with X and taste food for wedding or get dress fitted, or do groceries or whatever.. so just a heads up, if ever in the future we hang out, and I put a time limit on it... it isn't that I don't want to spend time with you, it really isn't... I'm just slightly crazy and need to have things planned out in order to stay sane. *Deep breath* Hi! Welcome to the fun corners of my mind LOL. As long as I know what I'm doing, and when I'm doing it and with who, and know exactly how long / many days until I have nothing planned and can revert to hermit mode.. I'm OK. With chaos comes insanity. So yes.. let me obsess over timing and schedules and plan things out to the minute (well maybe not THAT precise.. but if we say let's hang, and I ask what time.. "lunch time" is not a good answer.. I will reply with "soooo 12? or 1?" I need timelines man 😛 OH! Want to know what I am most excited for pre-wedding wise right now ? CRAFTING!!!!! OMG I have so many things planned, and I really do need to get started..... but OMG So much fun will be had by me in my brain. I kind of love that I am able to create all the little things that will turn our wedding from a random affair into something very personal and filled with love. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH OK I need to actually craft something soon before the ants in my pants start a parade. Random side note: Our wedding party is the most amazing bunch of people in the entire world combined EVER. Without them, this would be a lot less fun and special <3 *High 5 to Fawker's Ladies and Delta's Boys* YA!!!! OK I'm going to stop rambling now before I write an actual novel. It's just been awhile since I've done a wedding update so I wanted to do one.. and then as I was writing a lot of stuff I realized I can't say on the blog (until after the wedding) because it's full of spoilers, and a lot of other stuff just came out like a rollercoaster of randomness. This is how my brain works on the regular.. it is also why I have such a hard time falling asleep at night.. These thoughts never stop, ever. OK shutting up for real Big Hugs Shannon

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