A hard day’s night

I keep starting this post, and then having no idea how to go forward.

Alright, so feet first, I’m a dive right in and get it over with kind of girl.

I definitely, definitely have Binge Eating Disorder… and in fact, I have been doing a lot worse than I thought I was, all of my talk about getting better and making progress… yeaaaah, denial is a thing that happens.

After a few hours of intensive therapy, we dug suuuuper deep into my background and brought up a whole lot of past hurt and pain that I thought was long since buried. Apparently rape and abuse aren’t easy to get over and move beyond.. go figure.

I saw two doctors, and by the end of it, my anxiety meds were doubled, I have a new med to take, I have some home care to follow, and I go back in two weeks for further head shrinking.

For the most part it was good.. well not fun or happy, but I feel better for having done it. I’ve been on a waiting list for a year to get in to this clinic, and I am happy they didn’t just brush me aside. One of the doctors I spoke to said the unfortunate reality is that my disorder often falls through the cracks, which is how it has been about 15 years of not really being treated. At one point the way they were talking I was afraid they were going to hospitalize me or something. They were saying things like in and out treatment programs and trying to find me the best fit.. and that at this point they think they should break out the big guns.. that I’m so far into the disease that starting off with the small stuff would be a waste of time.

So far the big guns just means a boat load of meds and more treatment info to come when I go back in two weeks.

So right now I am still in the post-cry stage where I am exhausted and needing time to myself to recharge.

As always, I will keep y’all posted, and be as open and honest as I can be.


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