As an artist, I feel this need to create. It’s pretty strong, and I’m constantly inspired or feel the urge to tackle one of my 1000000000’s of ideas. The problem is my ol’ pal anxiety freaks whenever I start because OMG Shannon you’ve worked today, AND did dishes.. shit girl that’s just way too much, it’s time to shut down.. WHAT?!?!
Now clearly, I realize that going to work, and then coming home and doing a single load of dishes is nothing.. but that is how easily I get overwhelmed. What I need to do is kick Mike out of the house for a week, book the week off work, and spend an entire week by myself cleaning and organizing the entire house top to bottom. Once every item in this house has an official home, I will be able to maintain.
Yeah Yeah I hear the doubt in your voice, but the way my brain works… is that every time I go to tidy up, I have NO idea where to put things, then get crazy overwhelmed and end up staring at the room unable to move or think clearly until I cave in, realize nothing is going to happen, and go back to avoiding the world.
When things have a “home”, and there are rules as to what goes where, and when I have to do certain things, I function much better as a human. Right now it takes everything in me just to make sure I have clean clothes for work, actually GO to work, fight through my flashbacks / anxiety, and control my urges to binge. By the time I get home, my brain is too fried to try and figure out what should go where… and then actually implement any sort of plan.
ANYHOO this wasn’t supposed to be a bitch fest, so let’s change the topic eh?
Yes I am still planning on selling art and stuff and things. When will this happen? At this rate I will be 80.. but I’m working on it LOL. I have decided to change the name of any possible store and veer away from the Fawker or Fawkin because really it drives me bonkerz to try and explain it and/or apologize for pseudo swearing in my name…. So the brainstorm for something that fits my quirky personality, but also sounds like a place people would actually not mind sharing on The Facebooks or The Googles or the tweetbox is something I want to work on.
From a name, comes a logo… but while I’m brainstorming that.. WHAT TO MAKE?!?!?! I think it’s going to be a lot of Perler Art, and paintings and sculptures.. and just random weird things my brain comes up with. Most will be one of a kind type work (as in hand made so no two are alike), but I do have a few ideas for something more easily mass marketed like prints or colouring book pages, or other surprise ideas that are too early days to really speak about. OOOOH THE INTRIGUE.
Anyway this has been a very random, all over the place, type of blog, but my laundry is done and I’m tired so I’m off to pop my clothes into the dryer and then crash.