Holy Banana’s batman, lately I’ve been busy AND having multiple Murphy’s law type days. It seems the theme to my life lately is everything that can go wrong will go wrong lol. The plus side is I’ve been learning a lot of new coping techniques and grounding exercises to help with my PTSD and it’s really helped, in fact today I was early for work!
OK so that doesn’t seem like such an accomplishment, until you realize that since the accident I have had a hard time getting out of bed. Nearly all of me wants to stay home, always. I hate leaving my house because it seems like Life enjoys making me it’s bitch, and the accident just kind of tipped it over the edge. Sure I forced myself to be social leading up to the wedding because I had so much stuff to do… but now the thought of talking to so many people and being outside of my house is daunting… the thought of leaving my bed is hard and sometimes scary. Every morning, while I lay in bed, alone because Mike is still at his work, I want to call in sick, or quit, or go on sick leave.. anything to just be able to stay in bed longer and not have to face the world beyond my blanket cocoon… and every day I fight it, but I am usually just on time or late. Despite the fact that every night I go to bed determined that “tomorrow will be the day I get out of bed OK”.. it never is.
UNTIL TODAY!!!!! I’m not actually sure why today I was able to shoot out of bed with little fuss and no blips of random panic, but I was!! Also, thanks to all of the things I’ve been doing to try to help future self in the mornings (i.e laying my clothes out, making my lunch the night before, showering the night before etc), I was out the door in under 10 mins.
I’m not saying that this will be an everyday occurrence, I’m not stupid and I am well familiar with mental illness. Just because today was a good day and I’ve made progress, doesn’t mean I won’t back slide or have rough mornings ever again.. but STILL you guys this is the first sign of actual freaking light!!!! I may be getting to the end of the PTSD tunnel! Sure I am still struggling, and scared of way more things than I should be, but such is the nature of the anxiety beast that lives within.
For me, right now, today was a win and I for one am going to celebrate with baby cuddles and girl time tonight with Dianne because Besties are the best for a reason, and my boys are just the best treat a girl could ever hope for <3 They are growing up to be such sweet and caring little men!
YAY FOR ALL THE GOOD THINGS!!!!!!!!! Also I am thinking of starting a new blog-y type project which will cause many a lol if I actually go through with it. Such LoL, Many Words, Wow Blog.