Words can not explain the joy that coursed through my body when I got on that scale yesterday and saw that number.
50…. 5 and a 0…. That’s how much weight I’ve lost. Can’t you freaking believe that?!?!?!?! Looking back, I don’t even feel like the same person at all! I am falling in love with myself again, I am happy more often than not… and man it feels GOOD to do things. When I walk, I feel like I glide…. I find myself smiling for no reason… just because I’m too happy to keep the joy cooped up for long.
Truly I feel free.
I would not be here without your support and love. I would not be here if it were not for the Ottawa Hospital Weight Management Clinic… and I would not be here, if it were not for my iron will and stubbornness. I’ve been waiting years for this moment, and I was determined to succeed… and that is exactly what I’m doing.
For years, I hated myself. Truly.. with a passion that is hard to define. I’d had so many people, for so long, tell me I was worthless, or fat, or ugly… I’ve gone through hell and back and came out the worse for wear…. But ever since I started this program, and ever since I reached out for all of you, my support network… I have begun to fall in love with myself again.
When I look in the mirror… I try to see past the flaws that used to haunt me… Some days it’s harder than others, but I try to find at least one thing every day that I LOVE about the way I look. I figure it’s about damn time I find myself pretty 😛 Some days it takes awhile… I can pick and pick and pick and it’s hard to find it… but then it’ll be there. A glimmer in my eye, a shy smile as I remember something funny. There is always something beautiful if you’re patient and wait around to see it.
It’s weird to try loving yourself… I think it’s the hardest thing a person can do. I still have no idea how to do it.. but I’m trying.
A friend told me, that there is no way you can love anyone… unless you love yourself… And no way anyone can love you, unless you love yourself. And I really see that. It hit a spot in me. It’s the truth. The more I work on falling in love with myself, the deeper I feel my connections to everyone around me. The world feels more vibrant… like I am more connected somehow. It was like a part of me had been locked away, for… well forever…. but now it’s starting to stretch its wings and fly… and man I plan on soaring high.
Can’t say every day will be so happy… or that I won’t get discouraged from time to time… but with the help of my friends to keep me headed in this direction.. with love.. and affection… I know I’ll be OK.
And if ever you need a friend, you know where to find me. I’m always here, you are not alone.