Oh yeah, I’m going there… my scale.. is a JERK man.
OK OK I know that muscle weighs more than fat… and I also know that as a woman I can fluctuate about 10 lbs just from water retention.. But still…. been doing SO good lately, fighting the urges to binge, doing my best to get more active despite the fact my recent weight gain has made it doubly hard for my ankles to hold me AND I am starting to get back pain again…
But I’m doing my best… and when I step on the scale and see it either not budge, or only budge in the UP direction.. I want to scream, throw my hands in the air and say FUCK IT LETS EAT.
OK enough of that negative nelly stuff.. I’ll never get better if I dwell on that crap so now that I’ve vented a bit.. here are some positives that far outweigh the bad (even if my jerk of a scale says differently)
1. My Most amazing friend Drew gave me a Walktastic Orbit (Which I will be doing a blot about in a while after I’ve had it long enough to give a solid review) and so far it has been an AMAZING experience!! … OK maybe I’ll blog about it now… two blogs in one day? Should I?? Ack… we’ll see.
2. Despite my ankle pain I have been finding small ways to keep active and try to push myself a little bit further each day.. if I can’t walk / move that way I do other things (I.E holding a 25 lb baby over my head and doing bench presses with his adorablness… keeps him happy and helps tone my arms WOOOOT)
3. My mood since A) seeing a therapist and B) going down to part time at work, has had a HUGE improvement… A few months ago my predominant mood was depressed, anxious, stressed, and overwhelmed by EVERYTHING… My current mood? Happy, excited, optimistic, hopeful, …. OK so I’m still anxious and terrified about what to do next, or when EI runs out etc etc …. but I’m working on that…
4. I haven’t had any destructive internal monologues in awhile… which is a relief! It’s so nice when your inner voice isn’t screaming YOU SUCK! YOU’RE FAT AND UGLY AND NO ONE ACTUALLY LIKES YOU, STOP BEING ANNOYING TO EVERYONE AND JUST GO AWAY AND LEAVE THEM ALONE…. that voice is gone *knock wood*, and it’s been replaced by a much kinder voice… quieter and more timid… but I get things like “Ooooh it’d be nice to see ____ today…. go on, msg them” or “Oooooh I love the way my hair looks today. Heck ya messy bun! You rock that shit girl”
5. The fact that I can even think about making a list with 5 positive points is a major improvement and hopefully a stride forward.
Now…. to do my Walktastic post now… or wait a few more days………………….. we’ll see <3 Love you all and thanks for reading. Your love and support mean the world to me *ATTACK HUG TACKLES*