My magic number is 165… That is the goal I am working towards, the number that is burned into my brain that I see every time I close my eyes. 165… the number I used to weigh, the number I miss, when I felt pretty, I will reach this goal one day and feel beautiful again.
As the title of this blog suggests I have found a scale which will allow me to weigh myself properly! No more guessing, no more hopping on one foot trying to balance myself while adjusting my position 3 different ways to get an average number. No more guess work. I’ve gone digital baby!
My new starting weight is a scary digit. It’s not something I am proud of, and it just shows how far I have left to go. My current weight is 335.8 lbs. I am hoping (though doubting) when I weigh myself Friday morning that this number will be smaller. But we shall see. I tested out my scale last night a few hours after supper. So the number is not as accurate as I’d like (normally I have been weighing myself first thing Friday morning after I tinkle lol), but it’s a start, and it’s a number… And in order to reach my magic number I have to embrace and acknowledge what I am.
I am a 335.8 lb girl who is short, and stubby, and still has panic attacks in crowds. Emotionally I’m all over the map, and sometimes I cry for no good reason at all.
But knowing all of that is part of the battle, being candid about who I am, and putting myself out there for all to see, is cathartic. I know I will be OK, I know that one day I will reach my goal of 165 (or at least somewhere close to there.. because let’s face it if I’m stuck at 168 and can’t lose the extra 3 lbs I will not beat myself up over it.. it’s 3 lbs big freaking deal. Just be happy)
Anyway it will happen one day, and hopefully that one day will be someday soon. 335.8… now you can see why I am Morbidly Oh…….