So life is a little crazy at the mo’ and as a result this post is way late in the posting… BUT it’s been for the best reasons ever! Little V and Monkey are both 1 (well almost.. Monkey man’s bday bash is this Sat) I’ve got some serious ants in my pants cause I want to get started on little monkey’s cake already…. but I also want it to not be stale SO I must wait haha. Also need to redeem my baking skills as humidity and heat and just bad luck caused little V’s cake to wilt under the pressure 🙁 On the plus side it was delish as heck and everyone seemed to still love it.
OK So on to the post eval update portion of this blog. I’m not crazy! Ok not entirely crazy 😛 I have a pretty severe case of GAD (General Anxiety Disorder) and Binge Eating Disorder… So there’s a lot for me to overcome, but I’m up for the challenge. I have an apt with my doc coming up in the next few weeks to start changing up my meds and see if we can find either a new balance or a dosage that works for me.. apparently the prozac I am on can be a large contributing factor in my binge eating since it has been known to cause weight gain and carb cravings… so who knows, if I’m EXTRA lucky (which I’m not holding my breath for) a change in meds could cure me of binge eating….
More than likely though it won’t, so I’m not banking on it.. but it’d be nice if all I had to do to be “normal” was change my meds. I’m still not overly fond of the fact that I have to take meds in the first place, but I’m just sucking it up and popping those pills like a good girl.
OH and just so you are forewarned…. while we are experimenting with meds and possibly weaning me off of my current ones and on to others.. I mean be a little… ummmmmm…. emotional. SO if I go quiet for long periods of time on social media, in RL, or if I call/text/write and rant and cry and basically make a jackass of my overly emotional self, I am sorry in advance… I’m especially sorry for Mike who has to live with me… but I will do my very best not to effect anyone too badly.
The whole experience so far has been a huge drain on my system and I’ve been pretty burnt out.. if it weren’t for the love of friends and family (and especially messy kisses and hugs from cake covered V and slobberpuss Monkey) I don’t know where I’d be right now. I’m so blessed to have you all in my life, and I hope you know that. I’m doing my best to not be too annoying with all this crap, not to burden anyone… and I hope I haven’t pushed anyone away.. it’s hard sometimes for me to juggle friendships… It’s not because I play favorites, or because I grow apart from someone, or because I lose interest, or whatever… I’m just really shit at keeping in touch with large numbers of people at the same time. Sometimes I’ll write someone and realize I haven’t even said Hi in weeks and feel like a real shit.. I never mean for the time to slip away, it just does… generally it’s my fault, I’m really shit at keeping in touch… but I hope you know that I try my best, and that I love you guys and I’m always here if you need me. *Insert all the hug tackles*
*deep breath* OK so I’m not crazy.. but I am not OK either.. and that is taking some time to come to grips with. I’m getting a referral to the binge eating clinic, and I am working up the guts to contact the people the Royal want me to in order to help with my anxiety… Seriously, they leave someone who has anxiety over strangers and new situations and people to contact someone to get help.. GAH… I’ll get to it… just let me get through this weekend, and then I’ll get to it.. I’m still building up my nerve.
On the plus side, it’s nice to know she doesn’t think I’m Bi-polar, nor do I show much OCD other than nervous gestures etc which she said will prob improve with my anxiety improving… My depression is under control and isn’t currently an issue (WOOOT YAY FOR A WIN!) and I’ve been cleared of pretty much everything except those two things… and she said more than likely treating one will help the other since they seem to be tightly linked together… so with any luck they’ll both be getting better sooner rather than later.
I’m not sure what the next bend in the road will bring me… and I still have no idea what to do about my future… but at least I seem to have a direction. Fix mah brain.. seems like a good place to start 😛