Pre-Christmas Time

This year, I’ll admit, I’ve been a bit off my game. The truth is, I’m having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit. So many things are going on in my life right now it’s hard to keep juggling everything, but there’s nothing that I can cut out to help, so my only option is to find ways to cope.

I currently have a large group of amazing friends that I adore, and that group keeps growing as new little ones are popping out left right and center.. OMG you should see my little babies, cutest babies on the planet!

I am also *This Close* to obtaining full time at work, while still training and learning my new position.

I am planning a wedding.. and stressing over every detail and every cent it’s costing, and trying to find creative ways to cut things out or find ways to make DIY versions of ideas we love work.

I am also trying to stay sane on my new meds.. they work in a totally different way, and although they have helped, and I no longer have the urge to binge 24/7… they don’t help with my PMS (Sorry in advance for the tMI you are about to read).. While prozac (old meds) were horrible for me in that they caused me to binge and over eat and crave carbs 24/7 to the point where I felt like I wasn’t in control of my own brain EVER…. they were magical at helping my PMS symptoms.. and it isn’t until this month that I remembered how bad they used to be. I cried because someone sang a Christmas carol…. like full on cried, not teary eyed… drops of tears rolling down my face, nothing could console me.. it was a hot mess… I also have PMS cravings galore (still not binge worthy so WOOOOT but still.. OMG it’s like I’m pregnant).. And the worst part, are the cramps.. I don’t remember them ever being this bad… it is the worst, and I don’t want to uncurl myself from the fetal position or get out of bed…

Which as you can imagine, has been making doing anything hard. Our housework is falling behind as Mike has been injured and not fully able to move, and I’m in pain.. really we’re a sight :S Christmas tree JUST got put up and decorated today…. I normally have that shizz locked down and done by Nov 1st (or at least close to then).. Presents aren’t wrapped, I haven’t had a baking day, or done and Christmas crafts… I had SO many plans for this year.. soooooo many things I wanted to get done, that so far haven’t even begun to happen. It’s depressing to say the least… this is my favorite holiday, and it’s my favorite because of the singing and crafting and baking the occurs… and so far, I haven’t done anything… It makes me feel like a Grinch, which is something I vowed never to be. Blargh.

Anyway.. so that’s where I’m at right now.. While doing all that I am still trying to lose weigh, which so far has been 100% unsuccessful, but at least I’ve managed to not gain anymore.. so that’s good I guess.

At this point I’ll be a fat bride and will prob look horrible in all of my photos.. A thought that depresses me on the regular.

I am not sure how to work out, when I’m in pain 24/7, everything I do hurts, being alive hurts, walking to my desk at work hurts.. the muscles in my calves feel like they are ripping by the time I sit down at my desk and everything is so seized up I can’t move for the first 30 seconds or so until things start to unclench. Every doctor tells me, listen to your body, if it hurts, don’t do it… but EVERYTHING hurts.. what am I supposed to do, just live in a pool until I lose weight? As much as I would love that, I don’t think my boss would let me work at a swim up office desk LOL.

OK I’ll stop the pity party and move on to something better… PLUS SIDE.. there is always a plus side and I will always do my best to A) find it and B) dwell on that rather than on the bad crap..

Plus side! I haven’t GAINED any more weight… Also Sophie gave birth to a happy healthy little Oliver and I will soon get to meet him! Also Mike and I had a magical day together with decorating the tree and playing rock band.. ALSO I have Mondays’ off (for now) so tomorrow is a day off which makes me happy!!!

Alrighty. Hitting send, and sorry for the lack of posting lately.. As I said in the beginning, I’m having trouble balancing work/friendships/relationship/family/health/blog/etsy shop/weightloss … So sometimes things have to fall to the sidelines for a bit.
Much love and hugs

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