Life has a way of teaching us lessons whether we are ready to learn them or not. Some say it’s God’s plan, some say it’s fate.. other don’t care either way. All I know is that lately I feel as though I’ve given so much of myself away helping others… that there’s very little of Myself left. The proof of that is how often I’ve been getting sick lately, how tired I’ve been all the time, how run down I’ve felt. Not to mention the number of nights I’ve laid in bed curled up in Mike’s arms crying because I don’t know how to go on. I don’t know how to face another day, when I feel like I’m about to snap and there is just nothing left of me to give to anyone anymore.
Sometimes I cry, and I don’t even think there’s a real reason… I just think my brain is so tired of trying to keep myself together that it lets go of pain whenever it feels I can handle a few extra tears.. and who cares if I look like a crazy person crying over spilled milk for no reason I can figure out. Sometimes I wake up sad, not sure what to do with myself, and the only thing that keeps me getting out of bed is the fact that I have people who depend on me. And then there are other times where I feel so blessed and lucky to have all the people I love in my life.
That’s me, in a nutshell.. always riding this fine line between total darkness total light. All or nothing. I dream of mediocrity and finding that elusive middle ground. Maybe I’m just getting old LOL.
I haven’t written in awhile, because i haven’t known what to say. Also because I haven’t gotten onto my computer much at night and can’t write on my lunch hours anymore. Mostly by the time I’m done work my eyes are so strained the thought of going on a computer hurts lol so I keep telling myself I’ll post tomorrow… and well tomorrow is always a day away. So here I am writing, though I don’t know what to write about 2 people who inspire me to be better than I am. And I hope I continue to make them proud.
For Mike, who is my guiding light, who is my heart and my soul and the yin to my yang. He completes me, and I him, and together we kick butt at life… well try to. He holds me together when I feel like I’ve been torn into too many pieces to make sense, and he finds a way to make me laugh through the sorrow. He is also a sexy beast so I’m a lucky lady indeed!
I am thankful for my Mom.. who has been such a good support system my whole life, who has held me while I cried, and saved me from a life of pain. She has sacrificed her self her whole life to make my brother and me have a good home and a good life, and I owe her my world. Without her there would be No Shannon… without her, I don’t know how I would survive. She is my Mommy and I love her <3
I’m not all sadness and broken pieces. If I were to make an analogy I think I’m more like a jigsaw puzzle.. the corners are all done and glued into place and I have something to build off of now…. Now just to find all the border pieces and start to fill in the blanks and continue piecing myself back together one bit at a time 🙂 Life is beautiful and I’m going to hold onto that beauty for all that it’s worth.
Also I’m sorry in advance if I practice saying NO to you.. I really have stretched myself way too thin lately, and need to re-focus my life from friends, to building on my relationship and fixing my house. I miss lazy weekends with my love, or having the time to prepare a super awesome meal because we aren’t rushing to eat and head out the door. I miss just being with my love in our home, and letting the whole world slip away. I love my friends and I am not saying I want to be a hermit.. but I also can’t keep up like I was doing.. nor can we afford it.. Gas is expensive y’all :S