The Day I have been dredding.

Most people who know me, know that I have a “sore toe”… I have no other words to call it, it is not broken, it is not fractured, no doctor to date has been able to figure out what is wrong with it… it’s just sore. My nail is a pretty shade of purple, and the nail itself looks like my bone is trying to poke it’s way out of my toe (Multiple X-Rays over the years have shown this is not the case)… Either way, since I was a child, I have lived with this ever constant pain. I am in pain if this toe gets too hot, or too cold, if there is even a slight draft that touches it. The lightest touch can send me into tears as if you have just smashed my toe with a hammer. To say it has been hard to live with would be an understatement…

Tomorrow I HOPE to finally figure out what is wrong with this thing and have it fixed once and for all. Do I believe they will be able to fix it? At this point I highly doubt it. I’ve been to 6 different doctors over the years (that I can remember) and not one so far has found a cause, nor has figured out how to treat it other than “Try not to bang it”…. Yeah thanks, like I needed you to tell me that LOL.

I’m nervous about tomorrow. Knowing a stranger is going to have to examine terrifies me, for the simple fact that it is like walking into hell willingly. He doesn’t know how insanely sensitive this stupid toe is… which means, he, like the rest of the doctors who’ve tried to treat me, will go poking and prodding meanwhile I will be in tears begging him to stop. I am a wimp when it comes to pain. Possibly because I live with pain every day of my life, so I don’t ever willingly go looking for more LOL. I know this is something that has to happen… I hope he is able to tell me what is wrong,and finally fix this POS once and for all.  I hope the pain I am going to endure tomorrow morning will be worth it. Keep your fingers and toes crossed for me.

I also realize some may read this and think I’m a baby, or that it can’t possibly hurt as much as I’m letting on… Please believe me when I say that if anything, I am understating the amount of pain I am in. Since I was a child, I have built my life around protecting this stupid toe. It sounds stupid… and I realize that. It’s the only option I have had in order to try and reduce the amount of pain I’m in.

Hopefully tomorrow will be the start of a new day for me. Hell, I’ve already told the doctor over the phone if they want to just amputate it I’m OK with that, as long as the pain ends once and for all.

Fingers and Toes crossed 😉

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