Well folks, week 1 of 12 is done, and good riddance I say! Here’s to hoping week 2 goes a little smoother lol.
I think I’m going to have to go back into the blog archives to see if I struggled this hard last time around… but my memory of last time is a day or so of real struggle, and than pure bliss (scattered amid random bad days where the struggle came back to rear it’s ugly head). This time around? Pure… Hell.
Maybe Hell is too harsh a word, but there was not a single day this week where I haven’t cried. Not a single hour where I haven’t cringed at least once when the cravings were almost too strong and I nearly had to handcuff myself to something to keep me out of the kitchen. Not a single meal went by without me wishing I was eating instead…. Every moment a struggle.
The shakes are still delicious as hell, so while drinking them I was fine… meaning the few moments of pure bliss while ingesting something other than water lol. This would follow by a few minutes to an hour if I was lucky, of not being hungry…. The rest of the time, I’ve been in a constant state of hunger, wishing for the magical land of Ketosis, wondering why this time is so rough. Argh. So much frustration.
Lucky for me, I have an amazing network of friends who have been supportive and letting me vent, and an amazing fiancé that will hold me while I cry because I want food, and my super awesome Mom who is just plain amazing. Her hugs could cure any illness I swear they are that good.
My current theory on why this time is so hard, is because of the stupid cold I had. Because of this, I didn’t get to do my pre-shake meal countdown (basically a list of all the things I wanted to eat before going on shakes.. think of it as a farewell tour LOL).. I did it last time, and it really helped.. At least looking back I think it did.. maybe I’m crazy… OK probably I’m crazy.. but still. Mmmm food.
I also was fairly weak when I started physically, so it took a really big toll on my body. I DID delay until I felt better… but as soon as I was on the shakes, I felt really weak and drained again, so in hindsight I should have delayed longer. However I told myself maybe this is normal, maybe you felt like this the last time and you’re just trying to find an excuse to delay a second time.. give it a few more days and see how you feel….
Physically now though I feel fine, so I never did stop and go back to food. My energy levels seem to have stabilized, granted I could nap a lot more now than before.. but that may just be because it’s winter and I naturally hibernate in the winter and avoid all contact with the outside world LOL
So, in a nutshell, the struggle is real man… I’m still holding out hope that it will get easier. I KNOW it will get easier… Every day HAS been a little bit easier when I think back.. my freak out moments fewer and further between… the length of time I cry shrinking… I’ve completely lost the urge to straight up murder anyone who walks by me with food… so that’s a plus 😉 I just need to focus on the positive and keep things in prospective… I didn’t prep as well for this round because something knocked me out of my plan.. and I’m a person who doesn’t do well when knocked off course lol.. so it’s taking me longer to get into the swing of things. I am sure week 2 will see a brighter more positive and all around happier Me.
On the extremely plus side… I lost 9 lbs my first week! Granted I know it’s more than likely all water weight at this point… but I don’t care, I’m almost out of the 300’s again and in another 4 lbs I’ll have lost all the weight that I gained post shake last time. I’m nearly at the point where I was when I stopped shakes last time.. and since they say once you stop shakes you gain anywhere from 5-10 lbs because of water retention, I should be back to my 298 mark in no time… From there, every lb off is a lb skinnier than I have been in about 10 years.
Kiss that blubber goodbye y’all! I have a wedding dress to fit into 😉