#Winning

Big Success! OK first of all, I simply must preface this blog post by saying Walk Off The Earth (WOTE) is hands down the best band I have ever known.. I’m all geeked out over them and I think if I met them I may forget how to speak the English language. Truly if you have not looked them up on Youtube yet.. I have no idea what you are waiting for, but please use this as your excuse. Go check them out, and devour their awesome music and talent and enjoy ;)…. You’re welcome in advance! LOL
Remember how recently I wrote a post about my failure… and my weight gain, and how much of a sad panda I was? Well this post should be a complete 180 from that one! I am so beyond excited, that I am unable to find the proper words to express the elation that has welled up my heart and is ready to explode all over the world at any second now.
First of all, I have officially lost 5 of the 6 pounds that I had gained… My theory is that it was mostly water retention… as being a girl, once a month these things do happen. Yes perhaps TMI, but oh well this is my blog and if I start holding back now, well then what the eff would I even write about eh? So yes… I am almost completely back down to my lowest point again since starting this journey (Insert your own special happy dance here!) It’s a magical feeling!
Second of all, I tested the limits of my anxiety twice over the course of one, way too short weekend. The result you ask? Well I do believe it was a big success! I somehow found the time to balance some relaxation mixed with lots of hard work and got the house cleaned and furniture re-arranged in time for my fantasia party on Saturday… and yes most people I invited declined, or cancelled last minute, so the turnout wasn’t a huge as I was expecting… the down side, was less sales then I was hoping for on my first attempt at hosting a party… HOWEVER the plus side was it ended up being a more intimate affair and those who were there (I think/hope) had a blast and it was a very relaxed and we were able to see more of the toys and products and get more detailed descriptions of everything. Our consultant was amazing and overall it was a great night! Not to mention I managed to do all this cleaning and re-arranging of furniture, and greeting people, and dealing with last minute cancellations without a single freak out or melt down or panic attack. I took on the attitude of meh, whatever happens, happens. And believe me, things did go wrong LOL. I ran out of time, and so was unable to make the naughty toppers for my cupcakes, nor did I have enough time to finish cleaning up so there were pockets of clutter everywhere, I had forgotten to eat, and almost ran out of time to shower before people started arriving.. but all in all I just went with the flow, I figured whatever didn’t get done, wasn’t a major issue. These are all my friends and who cares if I have pockets of clutter around the house, or if I have to pardon myself to take a quick shower should they have shown up before I had the chance etc. Everything worked out AND I had time to paint too, which is something I have been dying to do for ages!
This up-coming week is even busier, and it will be a lot of hard work on my part, I have 2 major cake orders for Saturday and time is quickly running out… but they are both cakes I’m REALLY looking forward to making so I’m eager to get started. This week is going to be awesome! And I am sure I will find the time to eat, sleep, shower somewhere in there 😉
OH I almost forgot to talk about one of the biggest accomplishments of the weekend! I successfully went to Bluesfest (which I have NEVER been to before due to my intense fear of crowds… My love for Walk off the Earth was all that pushed me forward… I almost backed out at least 100 times, but each time I’d cave and end up wanting to go again. I am glad that I went… I am beyond glad… I’m not sure what word fits but whatever it is, I am THAT. My love and I arrived and managed to get into the second row! I was hoping for first… but second is freaking AWESOME. (my preference for first isn’t about wanting to see better, though that is a perk… it’s about loving the fact that on one side of me I don’t have people pressed up close to me, it’s like a bubble of breathing room that makes it more bearable to be surrounded on all other sides) So there I was in second row, the crowd slowly pressing in on me… and did I panic? Did I run and cry? NOPE I danced and sang as if no one was watching. I probably looked a bit insane as I seemed to be the only person who knew the words to ALL of their songs (minus the songs they played from their new album which is not yet released), I just felt some sort of obscure freedom in being in that crowd of people, all of us drawn together for a joined cause, WOTE were AMAZING and truly talented as all heck. Their live performance was just as entertaining (if not MORE entertaining) as their Youtube videos. It was like an hour of being submerged in heaven. The only moment where I felt a bit of anxiety was when this drunk guy who decided to take his shirt off, started getting way too close to me and pressing through the crowd trying to get to the front of the stage.. First of all it was annoying, as he had showed up rather late and was trying to bully his way to the front.. Second I didn’t want someone else’ naked chest touching me in any way… and Third he was doing a lot of yelling and it brought forward my fear of crowds as I kept thinking what would happen if a fight broke out, I’d probably be trampled, or break some bones or something… my brain is hyper-active and annoying. But alas he just jumped around a bit and tried to get the bands attention as he flailed… eventually giving up and calming down. And that my friends, was my only moment of panic this weekend, and even at that, I held my ground… I did not run away, and I did my best to ignore it and focus on the music. I wish you could have been there, all of you. I am sure you would have had fun! There was a beach ball, and balloons, and instruments being thrown around and caught and traded and played by more than one person at a time and band members running through the crowd and dancing with us.. and Sarah climbing up the rigging on the side of the stage to view the whole crowd while she sang her heart out (and security looked like they were going to die LOL) There was beat boxing, and Dancing, and ukuleles and a trumpet and the Epic Beard Guy, and Summer Vibe’s, and clapping, and so much more.
This weekend was one success after another, after another, and now I am beyond exhausted… I’ve lost my voice… and I’m sitting here with a heart full to bursting with love for all my friends and family. Today the depression is not winning, today the anxiety has lost its constant battle, today I have risen above the broken parts of my brain and I feel like a whole person. I hope it lasts, I know it probably won’t… I will inevitably have bad days, but I also know that I will continue to have epic days such as this, and if these days keep growing in frequency then I think I am on the right path to success. Maybe I’ll reach my goals yet!
Much Love and Hugs to all <3

Comments 4

  • …And when those bad days rear their ugly head, come back and read THIS post to remember that YOU ARE AWESOME! *BIG hugs*

  • you go girl!!!!!! i am so proud to see you conquering your fears which i know first hand is the toughest thing to do….i remember our time in high school you were strong and fearless , those feeling will come back…REMEMBER YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT AND STRONGER THEN YOU THINK…YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU PUT YOUR MIND TOO….LUV U LOTS BIG HUGS

    • Thanks Roxie!!! Means a lot to me to have you say that 🙂 So proud of you too and how far we’ve come since High School LOL. 🙂 Super big hugs being sent your way!!

  • Your successes will be your fuel for the next time you feel not so successful. Life is all about ups and downs. What you do with them is what makes the difference. Luv u

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