So, we’ve all established that my brain is slightly broken… lol and also that I’ve been having a difficult time for awhile keeping my head above ground. Honestly most days it’s a struggle to get out of bed and if I could, I would lock myself in and never leave my house again. I often feel afraid of small things, convinced that I’m about to die, and everyone I love is about to die.. and then have to fight the urge to distance myself from everyone so it won’t hurt as badly when they inevitably die. My head is filled with a lot of negativity and self-hatred and it makes it hard for me to function as an adult, especially since everything in life seems to overwhelm me.
ANYHOO this isn’t a pity party, what I came here to say was that after much Googling, and review reading, I found a website that seemed perfect for me. The website is https://www.betterhelp.com/ and it is a website that puts you in touch with registered counselors for online, or over the phone, sessions. It offered a free week trial, so I figured I would join and see what it was like, or if it was super sketchy, unlike the idiots who wrote some negative reviews, I clearly read that if you fail to cancel your membership before the 1 week trial is up you will be charged for the full month (180.00) as they charge 45$ / week but you are billed monthly.
So eyes wide open I took the leap, filled out their questionnaire and was paired with Erin. Through Better help I have unlimited access to my counselor, can set up live chats, or simply email back and forth. Generally speaking I receive a response daily from her, and every time it seems to be exactly what I need in that moment. She’s AH-mazing.
I’ve been “seeing” her for a few weeks now, and already have more of a handle on my anxiety and depression, and we’re working towards a lot of goals. She’s teaching me how to fix myself, and I feel better now then when my old shrink was shoving more and more pills down my throat. I know that I need the medication to correct the chemical imbalance portion of my illness, but what I needed most of all was actual help to deal with past issues and his version of helping was always “let’s up the dosage”, which led to me still having all this baggage I didn’t know how to deal with.
I won’t make this a long post, but I did want to say that if you need help, and are like me where you can’t afford an in person therapist, where benefits run out all too quickly and leave you torn between going further into debt or suffering alone.. This is a great place to check out. 180$ / month for unlimited access and daily communication with someone dedicated to helping you is A LOT more affordable and cost effective than 180$ / week for one, one hour session. (OK yes I know there are plenty who’s rates are less than 180$ but you get what I was trying to convey right? yes? Ok good 🙂 )
Going through this website is also ideal for me, as I’ve found any time I’ve tried to talk to a therapist or counselor in person I end up so afraid that I’ll hurt their feelings or let them down, that it only adds to my anxiety. I end up not talking about things or agreeing with anything they say just so that they won’t hate me. I’m also terrified of strangers and talking on the phone or in person to anyone… But as you can probably tell, I have no such qualms through the written word. Being able to talk exclusively online has freed me to open up about things I’ve never talked about with anyone, and has given me the confidence to fight for what I need rather than go along with whatever they say.
It’s been a few weeks and already I’m a better version of myself then I have been in ages 🙂