SO I’d like to put this out there. Yes I am fat.. like REALLY fat.. and yes I know it.. and Yes I’m working on changing that. But in spite of all of that, I am NOT on a diet. The very word sends chills through my spine. When I think of diet.. I think of limitations, I think of Yo-Yo diets where yes sure you loose a large amount of weight in a short period of time, but guess what? The second your “diet” is over, the weight comes back, and normally it comes back with avengance and you gain even MORE weight than before. I think of the fact that my doctor has forbade me to go on a diet because of the health risks it causes… Did you even realize that loosing weight quickly, is REALLY bad for your health, just as gaining weight quickly is. There is the very real possibility of thinning out your blood, putting strain on your organs etc. Diets litterally can kill you. You should never loose more than 2 lbs a week if you want to do it the healthy way, anything more and you re risking your health.
As for the limitations, they lead to wanting to binge, which leads to when you finally allow yourself to eat chocolate, or have cheese, or whatever the “diet” has cut out, you gorge on it. Having missed it.. you think, I deserve this! I’ve denied myself the thing I love for MONTHS, I WILL eat it.. and it will be good.
That is bad.
What I am doing, is trying to be more concious about the choices I am making. Trying to move forward, and kick my anxiety disorder in the behind. I am monitoring my potion sizes to try and catch the signs BEFORE I binge. I am going for walks when I can, I am learning to moderate my love of food, with my love of being alive. I am constantly working on it, and yes it is a daily struggle. So yes if I want pizza for supper one night, I will have pizza.. but I’ll eat less, and not opt for extra cheese, and maybe less toppings. It’s not cheat night after all. Or if friends want to go out, I won’t say that I can’t because it’s not my designated cheat day and can they wait until the weekend? I will not limit my life to fit around some societal mold of what a “diet” should look like. And I will not deny myself treats or moderated CRAP. Sure my body might be a temple.. but it’s My temple, and if I want it draped in cheese so be it.
No I am not saying I’m giving up, and no I’m not saying that I am going to eat crap every night forever. What I am saying is, I’m tired of people throwing the diet word around. It’s not what I am on, it’s not what I will ever be on, and I don’t believe in them. I am making a lifestyle change, I am making better choices, and so far I am loosing inches and loving life. I am happier and healthier already, and I’ve done all that while eating the things I love.. just less often and perhaps not as much.
I need to curb the urge to binge.. or to use food as a reward or a stress releaver. I need a new way to manage stress… But that does not mean I will stop eating pizza or poutine and trade them for grapefruit for breakfast lunch and dinner. For this to work, I need to be happy. And as much as I love grapefruit and will eat it as often as I can.. I will not deny myself other yummy foods for life simply because I am Fat.