Making Changes

OK.. so first of all, let me start this with saying there will be no “New Year, New Me” BS. I don’t believe in New Years Resolutions, and so I never make any.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get down to brass tacks.

1) I am full time now, which means it will be easier to get onto a balanced schedule… My hopes is that once I get back on track schedule wise, I will be looking to incorporate exercise into my down time.
2) I’ve reached a point where I’m craving “real” food… which is AWESOME… so I don’t know when it will happen, but part of my “schedule” is going to be prepping meals for the week in advance so that I’m not coming home starving and making toast or a bowl or cereal because I am too hungry to cook.
3) There’s a wedding to plan y’all!!! So I may be sparse out in public for the next few months as I hunker down and pull all the plans together for this wedding.. With any luck it will be a great day filled with love and awesome personalize touches and loads of laughter.

So really that’s my plan going forward.. not a resolution.. just things I’ve been working towards for awhile, but now that my life is balancing out, it will be a lot easier for me to plan / and accomplish my goals. I really do want to lose some weight, and I really do want to eat delicious noms… and so I’m doing my best to find a balance and scoping out healthy foods that taste amazing and fill my belly without adding the pounds.. Is that possible? We shall see.

Those who know me, have probably noticed that when I don’t have a routine, I tend to spiral out of control… Not in any way that hurts other people, but in the sense that I will completely stop caring for myself in an effort to just make it day by day while still doing everything possible to make life awesome for everyone that I love… This generally results in weight gain because the main way I stop caring for myself is to drink less water and eat more crap and stop working out… It’s not that I don’t WANT to do all those things, it’s not like I’m depressed and don’t think I’m worthy of being taken care of… It’s just, I get to this point where I feel rushed, I never know what’s about to happen, I have so many balls in the air that something has to drop off.. and taking care of myself seems to be the easiest thing to let go of.

I can say though, that through blogging and reading and therapy and new meds, I’ve come to the point in my life where I realize that yeah I do love myself, that I’m not this horrible monster certain people try to tell me I am, and that in the end everything is going to be OK.. or it isn’t.. and if it isn’t, then I’m probably dead because as long as there is breath in my body, there is a chance to fix things and succeed.

Can I lose a large amount of weight before my wedding? Well I hope so… that would be awesome.. Do I think I will? That depends on how stable my life is… and in the end, if I’m a fat bride… that is something I will have to live with.

Also I promised myself (and this was a secret until just now) but I promised myself that if I end up walking down the isle at a weight I hate…. that whenever I do drop the pounds and feel hella pretty and confident, I will pay to have new pictures taken.. Not the whole shebang LOL but you know, if let’s say there was a shot from my wedding I loved… but hated how I looked in it, well then, if it bugs me that much, let’s re-create it.

Will I ever do that, even if I lose the weight? Who knows… depends on how much I hate my pics, and how skinny I get LOL… but just knowing that I made that choice to do that, makes me feel better about accepting fat pics at my wedding. The day is about love and friends and family.. it isn’t about who looks the hottest in a white dress.

Also I think if Stacey Kenopic can find a way to capture the love and happiness of the day, that will show through and I won’t hate the largness of my arms or how much junk is in my trunk so to speak lol.

Anyway.. that concludes my non-resolution, forward affirmation-y type blog.. The New year has brought a new me, but so does every day. Every morning is a chance to make things better… and I’m already well on my way to a lot of great things. Life is pretty epic if you stop to think about it.. and if you aren’t happy with your life… Change it. 🙂

Oodles of hugs from a Formerly slimmer, currently fatter chick.

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