The year has ended, so far we have survived: The Rapture, They Mayan Apocalypses and countless other assorted supposed ends to our earth. We are still here, and still alive and well. Thank you Dr <3
With the end of 2012 coming, 2013 is just around the corner, will this year coming be better than the last? I sure as hell hope so.
This year I have battled my bulimic binge urges, I have battled depression, anxiety attacks, weight gain, weight loss, more weight gain, almost constant stress, job losses and gains, financial losses and gains, it has been a roller coaster of a year and I for one am glad it is ending!
I enter 2013 with a clean slate and a fresh prospective. I feel more deserving of health and happiness, and I am resolute in my refusal to make resolutions this year. Every year I make a promise, and then feel like ass come February when I haven’t even lasted one month. This year I am just going to continue putting one foot in front of the other and work towards all of my goals. That is all, nothing more, nothing less. I owe it to myself to take some of the stress off of my shoulders. So what.. I am FAT… Yes I said it, and no I’m not OK with it… but I am not going to stay awake at night dreaming of puking up whatever I ate in hopes it will help me get smaller.. I am FAT, I am Squishy and I am AMAZING.
Obviously I will continue to work on my weight, and I would like to join a gym soon if my finances permit… but the more I worry about weight loss, the more I stress about it, which leads me to stronger and stronger urges to binge and eat everything in site and then cry myself to sleep because I haven’t thrown up. I won’t allow myself to purge. If I binge, that is just one more thing I will have to deal with, my penance for being weak will be the added weight I’ve gained due to my binges. I can not, and will not purge.
So yep I am fat, and the more stressed out I become, the fatter I may become.. but I am also pro-actively taking steps to eliminate stress from my life. Obviously it will never vanish, but I can reduce the stress I surround myself with.
I am going to try and put myself first. Which is why I am trying to focus on my finances and figure out a way to afford the gym near my house, I’ve started working on the home reno goals I set ages ago, and I’m trying to learn to let go of things that are beyond my control. Life is too short to live with this ball of stress squeezing everything out of me 24/7
Life is just way too short.
Go love your friends and family and have a very Happy and Wonderful and SAFE New Years Eve!