If you’ve been following my blog, FB, or just have the misfortune of being around me in person on a regular basis… you’ll probably remember awhile ago (Pokes The Day My Brain Broke ) I was having some major issues with food. My body would go into a panic when I was around food, my heart would race, tears would fall…. flash backs of the pain I felt and how big i was at my heaviest would roll like a morbid slide show behind my eyes… It wasn’t a fun time.
With that said, last Thursday I had a meeting with the Behaviorist to shrink my brain, and try to figure out some tools / tips that would be helpful to me in order to get myself back on track. Step 1, is that I need to learn how to normalize food again. I need to teach myself that it is perfectly OK to have a Take 2 from Broadway’s for a special breakfast with friends.. it isn’t what I eat on a regular basis, and if I plan for it, there are things I can do to lessen the impact a high calorie breakfast would give me.. For instance, I gave away my bacon, didn’t finish the pancakes, only used half of the syrup, didn’t finish the home fries, and got in some secret ninja exercise by lifting and playing superman with my friends baby (OMG too much cuteness). For supper I am having salad (with salsa instead of dressing) and cut up strawberries… All in all, I was able to enjoy my meal, and stay within my calories (if only just barely)… and OK so I needed to burn some calories in order to stay within 1200 for today… but today was an exception not the rule… and I need to teach myself that, that is OK.
Furthermore, in the upcoming weeks I’ll be getting myself more organized and building a better structure for myself with regards to food / food prep/ and menu planning. Don’t get me wrong, I’m already leaps and bounds better than I was, and every day I strive to make one more positive change, but I still feel like I’m sliding on a slippery slope… and the behaviorist and I have agreed that structure and planning will help my anxiety get a grip. SO time for me to PLAN ALL THE THINGS!
I’ve been doing a lot better (Thanks to this blog and all your amazing support) when it comes to the emotional eating… I find myself wanting to blog it out, or wanting to at least WRITE it out somewhere… rather than run to the kitchen and make nachos… though I have discovered through the magic of trial and error… that I still can not have nacho chips in my house and not eat them. The temptation is too high.. SO I am allowed to have them once in a while as a treat, and as a result will only buy them when it’s time for a treat… and the rest of the time… Sorry Mike, but no tortilla chips in the house. It’s OK though, there are a tonne of other junk food type things that I can swim in and have stacked up all around me and never be tempted, so he can still have his snacks (that boy is skinny… he doesn’t need to work as hard as me to stay thin LOL)… So he won’t be deprived…. I’m just not ready to have bags of tortilla chips in my cupboards without then falling back on nachos as my go-to supper. Quick, easy, SO YUMMY…. mmmmm
And again… like I said. Normalize it. It’s OK to have nachos… it’s OK to order pizza once in a while.. it’s OK to eat an insanely delicious breakfast from Broadway’s… But the key is to be conscious of the choices I’ve made that day, and strive to balance it out. For example, I used to order a medium pizza for myself… have some today, some tomorrow… But now, I’ll still have the pizza… but maybe I’ll order a small, and get a side salad etc. What I was taught is that, if you deprive yourself of something completely…. when you do finally cave in and have it, you will gorge on it and binge and then have those negative feelings attached to something that should have been good. It is must better to nourish your body with healthy food and snacks and follow your plan 80% of the time, so that you can allow yourself to indulge and enjoy the remaining 20%.
So that is what I’m working on now folks.. Every day, every meal, every bite I take right now is a struggle.. But I know if I keep practicing, it WILL get easier… and for now, I’m just happy that I have stopped having panic attacks LOL.
As always, thanks for reading if you made it this far.. and if ever you have any questions comments or concerns, feel free to ask away in the comment section and I’ll do my best to answer you.