Hello again Interwebz.
Today’s post is going to be a good one. Why? Because today it feels as though the sun is shining in my life and I am happy (note previous post.. Depression is weird.. Today is a good day and I am taking this opportunity to rock an awesome post!)
I realized something last night on our way home from Pho…. I AM changing! For the better I think. First of all, it was my first time stepping into a Pho place since going with my horrible Ex. He always insisted on going there, and so it had a lot of bad memories for me. Not anymore! I’m still not a lover of Pho, but my friends are awesome and I loved spending time with them.. So I can officially say that I am able to go to Pho and not re-live the nightmare that was the train wreck of that relationship lol. 5 years I stayed away.. and now I think I’m silly to have done that. WOOT for progress!
Also I realized that I am getting better at handling my social anxiety. I am still not great in certain situations… but I have not had an attack when thinking of a coffee visit, or pho. And in fact I look forward to random coffee hang outs now! I am also hosting a Fantasia party at my house while the boys have their Man weekend. This is something I never would have done before. First of all the thought of hosting anything was nerve wracking to say the least.. and second of all having a group of people in my house and some of them being women I don’t know, scared the poop out of me. Now? I’m really REALLY looking forward to it! I hope everyone comes, and I hope everyone brings friends and I know that we are all going to have a blast and I’m going to relax and enjoy the crap out of it! I’ll be making Punch in my super awesome Punch bowl the I had gotten for Christmas 2 years ago, and I will be serving some adult beverages for those who care to partake and don’t have to drive, and I will have finger foods and cake and Holy Crow I am so excited. ME… Queen of anxiety.. is looking forward to having a bunch of people in my house! For some it may sound weird.. but for me it’s a huge step. So I’m doing a twirling happy dance of triumph right now!
Also one of my co-workers out of the blue said it looked like I lost more weight. It was totally out of the blue and I was not expecting it so it just kind of made my heart explode with happiness. And a happy explosion is a good thing.
I know I sound silly in this post, and I know I am random.. but the truth is right now, in this moment.. I don’t care! I feel free. I have amazing friends, and even if total strangers think I am an odd duck and want nothing to do with me, today that is fine. Today I feel like I can be me, and that those who are worth it will care about me no matter what.. and those who aren’t worth it can just go away. I wish every day felt as awesome as this one 😛
Nothing really happened to cause this change. I just woke up on the right side of the bed today I guess. I’m tired, and I’m hungry (about to have non-fat yoghurt of the peach variety so that will change soon) and I forgot to put socks on.. :S But even with all that, today is AWESOME! I mean heck, I woke up next to the man I love, after having an awesome night out with Sam and Ivan who are super amazing friends, the only missing piece was the rest of our “group” but it was a last minute thing on a Wed night and so anyways YES I’m just super happy today and feel like I could be King of the world, even though I don’t have the male junk to make that actually happen LOL.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring. But for today I am happy, and in love and feel like my life is complete. And really, what more could a girl ask for?