Today I tried on wedding dresses for the first time (Check out the more wedding related post over at my wedding website HERE) and.. can I just say.. WOW. Leading up to this day, my anxiety levels were through the roof. I’d read so many horror stories, and I knew my own body issues would come into play.. that coupled with the fact that I’ve only been back on my meds a matter of days and they haven’t had the chance to fully kick in… to say I was nervous about today would be a gross understatement.
Standing in the changing room waiting for that first dress to be passed through the curtain, I thought I might puke… though I wasn’t sure if it was from happy nerves… or utter fear at what I would look like. Being plus sized I was sure that nothing would fit and I’d be bawling my eyes out half way through trying the first dress on because it would get stuck or something terrible like that. Can I just say it feels GREAT to be wrong.
Granted the dress didn’t fit.. but I WAS able to slip it over my head and shimmy it down over my body, with a few well placed clamps I was goo to go! The back looked like a nightmare of clamps and gaping fabric and exposed back.. but you know what, none of that mattered. I was comfortable, the dress looked SO good on me, and I felt beautiful. Truly 100% beautiful. It was my first moment of feeling beautiful in a long time. There were no gremlins in my head telling me to be ashamed of my body, there was only joy and the desire to twirl around like a princess.
Have my adorable little ring bearer Logan there cooing away on his blanket on the floor looking up at me with a huge gurgling smile was just the absolute cherry on the top of an already magical experience!
I tried on around 6-10 dresses I think…. honestly I lost track… and every one of them looked good in one way or another. I know a lot of you told me that there’s no such thing as an ugly bride, that I’d look good, yadda yadda… but the gremlins in my head told me you were all wrong…. But seeing myself in those dresses… why can’t all clothing shopping make us feel that beautiful? LOL
I came away from the experience with a big smile on my face, and feeling so confident in myself and in my body. Even if I don’t lose a single lb between now and next Oct (I will… but even if) I now know that I will be beautiful. And that is a huge relief. It feels like I can actually go back to enjoying wedding planning and stop obsessing over my body and my size and just sit back and enjoy the ride. If an ill-fitting dress that is clamped 5 days to sunday makes me look and feel beautiful, than a fully fitted dress will just be perfect. No more worries from this bride to be! 😀
Big smooshy hugs for all <3